Monday, 25 August 2014

monument hill

I remember when miss Nicola took us to
monument hill I love the views in the hot sun
the shade trees waving around. the breeze' grass.The cars looked like little racing cars driving around.

The tree roots were spike. The rocks were Just laying their
the trees were old and mouldy. The fence was sturdy and the trucks logs looked like they were little twigs. The houses looked like they were for ants.


  1. I love how you used your imagination and observations and created a stimulating first few sentences. If you want to make this better you might consider expanding on your ideas a little and explaining what you mean a bit more so your reader doesn't get lost. Like the spiky tree roots and how they stuck in your butt as you tried to find a comfortable place to sit in the shade to write. I know what you mean but your reader who doesn't know you needs to be able to understand too!

  2. Hey Jonni, What a really good piece of descriptive writing. I can remember when I was flying over Kerikeri in a plane and everything looked so small just like tiny ants. I can understand what you are saying being up Monument Hill. When do you think you should use capital letters? Have a look at your writing and see if you can figure it out.

  3. Hi jonni my names Keanu I like how you used a lot of describing words. The most thing that I liked was that you used a lot detail and changed boring words into exciting words.